It’s not uncommon to feel lonely in motherhood. Learn practical ways to overcome the feelings of isolation that you may be feeling.
There are tons of articles like this one of moms sharing how the loneliness of mom life feels. Unfortunately, I didn’t need an article to tell me how lonely mom life could be, shortly after having my daughter, I was experiencing the feeling for myself.
I didn’t understand.
I thought I had prepared for the transition to motherhood with classes and insane amounts of literature. Why hadn’t anyone told me about this part?
Why hadn’t I known that I’d have the best gift in the world, my child, yet feel so isolated?
LONELY BUT NOT ALONE
Some people may wonder how moms can feel isolated and lonely when they are rarely ever alone. Well, let me share a few of the reasons:
- Newborns, toddlers, and children under a certain age don’t really offer companionship.
- Single parents may not have the time after work to connect with other moms and may lack resources to have someone watch their children while they plan to socialize.
- Having a spouse or mate doesn’t eliminate isolation.
- Military spouses may not have the time or schedule to be fully available.
- Working spouses may be gone for 8-12hrs a day or more.
- There are disinterested, uninvolved, and non-present parents.
- Not all moms desire to depend solely on partners for friendship or companionship.
- Some moms live far from friends and family.
- I remember being an expat and it’s a struggle to create lasting friendships with locals in any new town or city.
- When moms are available to talk, during naptime or playtime, many adults are out adulting.
- In the evening, many moms are exhausted and can’t bear the thought of a playdate during after work hours. Heck, I hate when people knock on my door in the evening and alarm the dog, which subsequently wakes the baby.
- Some moms are introverts and find it difficult to build new relationships.
We all have our own stories and these are just a few reasons why isolation and loneliness can sneak up on moms.
Knowing why is great, but how do we overcome these circumstances?
Well, I’ve come up with a few ways I think will help you feel less alone.
- 25 Practical Self-Care Ideas for Busy Moms
- 5 Super Effective Ways to Manage Mom Anxiety
- 25 Ways to Improve Mom Life and Live Well
7 WAYS TO FEEL LESS LONELY & ISOLATED AS A NEW MOM
When you live far from friends and family, be sure to connect via technology. Most likely are already paying for it, so take advantage.
Use your smartphone to text brief updates but when you really want to connect, consider Skyping, Facetime, WhatsApp, or whatever video calling platform you enjoy to have a face-to-face.
PEANUT (TINDER FOR MOMS)
Use apps made for the purpose of connecting moms like Peanut. Peanut was dubbed “The Tinder for Moms”, in that it allows you to meet up with local moms and create connections that may lead to friendship.
JOIN MOM GROUPS ONLINE
Many moms use social media to scroll and see. If you are going to be on social media, make it work for you. Join Facebook groups of like-minded moms and engage. If you notice a mom has a question and you know the answer, don’t be afraid to share. Groups thrive when people are sharing and learning. Also, don’t be afraid to leave a group that doesn’t reflect your values.
GET YOUR OWN HOBBY
When was the last time you participated in an activity that wasn’t for your child/children? Has it been that long!!?
I understand the struggle of committing to a series of classes but you could consider that 1-hour beginner’s photography course or that 45-minute clay-making class. A one-time in-person class is an opportunity to connect with adults and talk about something other than your child’s picky eating habits. Who knows…it may even lead to a new interest you could connect with new moms about online (from home).
GO TO COMMUNITY EVENTS
When getting away from the children isn’t possible, go to community events as a family. There are festivals. holiday parades, and movies in the park to attend. Also, museums, community centers, and local parks occasionally have random events that may be free and family friendly.
I didn’t know about these events until I started making an effort to find them. Often, I find myself talking to other moms at these events, so go with the family but still be available to meet other moms.
BE AWARE OF BODY LANGUAGE
If you do go to events and participate and find that others aren’t engaging with you. Check your body language. Making new connections starts with a willingness to meet others but you also have to show you have interest. This requires that you are aware of your body language.
Closed and unwelcoming body language can make people avoid you. So smile, unfold your arms, and show that you are open to conversation and new friendships.
MAKE TIME FOR OLD FRIENDS
Making new friends is great especially if they have children in your same age range; however, don’t forget about your old friends. While our lives may have curved in different directions, our old friends often have qualities and memories that help us make sense of life. Even if it’s just a phone call, re-connect.
Connections with people, nature, and animals require effort. It’s not easy and it’s a bit intimidating stepping out of our comfort zones to meet new people or just to rearrange our family’s schedule for a day. But if you want adult interaction, you have to make time.
What do you think? Are you ready to find your community?
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