What’s the secret to having confidence as a woman and a mom?
In this post, you are going to learn:
- The definition of confidence.
- The difference between confidence and arrogance.
- Why you need confidence to thrive as a mom.
- 7 Secrets that confident moms know.
- How to cultivate confidence in your own life.
Let’s get started.
To begin, we need to define confidence so that we’re on the same page about what you are trying to achieve.
What is self-confidence?
Confidence is defined as “a feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities” (source). I like to think of self-confidence as the opinion you have of yourself. Both definitions require that we take inventory of what we know and think about ourselves (more on this later).
The difference between confidence and arrogance
Some people suggest the problem with self-confidence is that many people are unaware that they lack self-confidence, I’d add that some people confuse confidence with arrogance.
What’s the difference? I’m glad you asked.
While self-confidence stems from feelings of self-assurance and appreciation, arrogance stems from an attitude of superiority that fuels an exaggerated sense of our abilities and/or our importance.
While confidence is a trait we want to aspire to, we must be diligent that we avoid the dangers of arrogance especially in our parenting roles.
Why?
Oftentimes, arrogant individuals are not open to listening and learning from others (they know it all) and tend to focus on themselves and their own achievements at the expense of others (source).
Now…
If you have been a mom for more than two minutes you know that learning, listening, and putting the needs of our children above our own (at specific stages of development) are requirements for parenting well.
So. While arrogance may appear to be confidence it’s usually insecurity all dressed up. Arrogant people are draining and put people down, confident people inspire and lift people up. We need to be the latter.
Why you need confidence to thrive
Is self-confidence necessary to thrive as a mom?
Yes! Unequivocally.
You need to know that you are amazing:
- even when you make mistakes
- even when parenting feels hard
- even when you experience self-doubt
Will there be thoughts of uncertainty? Absolutely.
Will parenting test you and challenge you? Absolutely.
But…
As parents, we need to believe in ourselves, even when there is no evidence of past success. For example, most first-times moms have no proof of their ability to birth a baby (If that is how motherhood came about), care for a baby, or raise a child from infancy to young adulthood. Yet millions of moms are succeeding every👏🏽 single 👏🏽day👏🏽.
As parents, we need to believe in ourselves, even when there is no evidence of past success.
We need to know that the actions we take now will lead to our future results and we are capable of achieving the goals we set for ourselves, especially those that support connecting with our children in meaningful ways and managing a more cohesive family home life.
Related: What if Motherhood Doesn’t Spark Joy?
7 Secrets of Confidence Moms
Secret 1. You don’t need to be perfect to be great.
Would you describe yourself as a perfectionist?✋🏽 I get it.
For more than a decade, I worked in laboratory environments where perfection was the goal; errors had the potential to impact the lives of other people negatively. Transitioning from working in that headspace to one of relaxed standards and an emphasis on connecting and not performing while parenting is a process (I’m still learning).
Thankfully, I no longer have to toggle between the two headspaces. My work as a digital creator and blogger is much more forgiving.
If you find yourself trying to be perfect in your home life, ask yourself why and who it benefits. Consider why you are putting pressure on yourself and if it’s necessary.
Secret 2. Preparation is key.
I know what you’re thinking…
There is no way to prepare for every situation. You’re right.
Children are often the epicenter of unpredictability; however, many of us have lives that require certain tools and skills. Having these things ready and available can make life less chaotic.
Here’s what I mean:
If you are a mom with a newborn heading out, you can prepare yourself for when your child will cry (not if). What do you need to have with you? Your diaper bag, a bottle, that special thing you use to soothe your baby.
I’m thinking of that time I left the house without my daughter’s diaper bag. No wipes. No bottle. No pacifier. Yikes.
At certain ages and stages, preparation looks different and while there will always be circumstances that we don’t account for (we will have bad days), these instances aren’t the norm.
Secret 3. You don’t have to be sorry {all the time}.
Sure. We need to be able to admit when we are wrong and apologize – even to our young children. But… being sorry for everything is a problem.
If you use sorry as an automatic response, think about the reasons why?
- Are you trying to people please?
- Are you often surrounded by dominant personalities?
- Do you do it to avoid conflict?
It matters. According to this source, frequent apologies can lower your self-esteem, can make others view you as timid or easily manipulated, and alter how people treat you in an undesirable way.
Secret 4. You can be wrong {without guilt}
If you’re never wrong. Congrats!!
Most of us mere humans are wrong about something pretty often. This doesn’t mean anything negative about us, unless we decide it does.
Younger versions of myself would avoid situations that could highlight my lack of knowledge of a subject. Motherhood makes that nearly impossible and forces personal growth and humility.
Each day, children have the ability to remind us that we don’t know what we don’t know. And in the words of Judge Judy, “only a fool is unwilling to shut up and learn”. I love Judge Judy.
Secret 5. You can be your loudest cheerleader.
I bet you are your toughest critic. Perhaps it time to be your own head cheerleader.
Motherhood can feel like an undervalued position in our society and in our homes. The ability to cheer ourselves on is necessary. I mean just last week, I high-fived myself for sticking to a homeschooling schedule and having food ready every night (no eating out). Win. Win. My kid wasn’t going to give me an award and my husband didn’t even know I set these goals for myself.
You see. You can be proud of yourself and your achievements even when especially when you are the only one tracking them!
Secret 6. Self-doubt is common {& perhaps inevitable}.
I don’t believe there is any parent who doesn’t experience self-doubt.
Self-doubt is like those fruit flies or plant gnats that are always unwelcome. You want them to go away right now yet they often indicate the presence of a problem that needs to be addressed.
The secret to managing self-doubt is not expecting it to go away. Instead, decide to wake up and do everything to the best of your ability and turn down the volume of voices in your head telling you who you can’t be or what you can’t do.
Resource: 20 Inspirational Believe In Yourself Quotes
Allow your self-doubt to motivate you – not control you.
Secret 7. Positive self-image is a journey.
A positive self-image is not a destination. How can it be?
Every day we are aging and experiencing weight changes. Our skin changes with the season and don’t get me started on hair.
Even so, it’s necessary to be able to look in the mirror and genuinely admire what we see.
Breasts. Thighs. Hips. Stomach. Each body part serves a purpose that goes beyond skin deep. When you embrace the form and function of your body, gratitude is inevitable.
Having a positive appreciation of your body doesn’t mean you can’t seek to make changes or “improvements” but it does mean we can love ourselves the way we are now – at this moment too.
How to cultivate confidence in your own life.
If you made it this far, high-five. Here are some tips to take with you for cultivating confidence in your own life.
- Acknowledge when you are wrong but don’t allow it to mean something negative about you.
- Decide to be a planner because “fail to plan, and you plan to fail”.
- Apologize intentionally not absent-mindedly.
- Don’t be afraid to be wrong.
- Be your own cheerleader.
- Be aware of your self-doubt but don’t allow it to control you.
- Learn to love the before and the after versions of yourself.
Related: Building Confidence From The Inside Out
In conclusion, the best thing about confidence is that you can begin cultivating and practicing it today. Don’t wait. It’s a feeling too great not to experience. You can do this!!
Want help curating a vision of yourself and for yourself, as a woman and a mom? Join The Forum.
